City Girl Gone Wandering
I’ve spent the last week in my childhood home in Connecticut. Something about being in a place that I fought so hard to leave has made it easier to imagine leaving a place that I love so much. My adventurous spirit has taken over and I feel ready to take on the world via airplanes and one-way tickets.
But tonight I said goodbye to my grandmother, and now I am sad again. Sad is the wrong word. Let’s go with… burdened by the weight of all the wonderful things that I will be so far away from. It’s a stupid emotion. I’m well aware of the fact that I’m going to one of the most beautiful places on earth to do things that many people only dream of; I shouldn’t feel anything but gratitude and excitement. But leaving people and places you love is hard.
A friend of mine recently told me that I was brave for doing this. It was very nice of her to say, but I struggled to understand the sentiment. For me, these choices are just a result of my perpetual restlessness—my constant fear of getting stuck. However, I think I’m starting to understand what she meant. Leaving everything you know, and everyone you love, to wander off into the great abyss of the world isn’t easy. As my time on the east coast draws to a close that fact grows ever more prominent.
Still, love is never far. We live in an age of communication; a world in which I can see my grandmother’s face through a computer despite 5,000 miles of distance.
I’m going to miss everyone more than I can imagine, but I need to remember that I will be closer in spirit than I ever would have been before. That truth comforts me while I pack my life into boxes and say goodbye to everything I know. The internet will guide me over land and sea, and keep me close to everyone I am parting with. What a beautiful notion…